the four right chords can make me cry

on Love and Jewellery

on the 151 from NUS to coronation plaza, tvmobile showed no less than 20 citigem ads. this is no exaggeration, i counted properly. too much, i think there is a limit to the number of times you can watch joanne peh pout and fiona xie act cute. and while i was trying to read the papers today, goldheart and lee hwa clamoured for front-page attention.

giant chocolate fondue machines and posters selling roses and magazines with special feb love issues aside, its pretty normal. other than my dream just now about this really huge fondue fountain, a la charlie and the chocolate factory, in a green meadow of edible grass and flowers and chocolate bunnies.

no no, this is not one of those "lonely, i am so lonely" blogs, or "down with commercialism!" , "romance is dead!" rants. Although it is rather sad that love has been reduced to diamonds. And so in your face this year, no attempts made to be subtle.

I realised that i don't know how to spell it: jewellery or jewelry? both look weird to me. Speaking of weird-looking, most of the stuff being advertised doesnt even look very nice. Especially the multi-coloured pieces, can anyone say "TACKY"?

this reminds me of the time me and riz drew "diamond rings" on our lab gloves and each declared herself to have a richer husband. heh. the things you do while waiting for your agarose gel to run =)

anyway, i just wanted to comment on the citigem ads. The actress modelling the jewellery had this plastic look on her face (think jessica alba selling tiger beer), a daft smile while gazing at herself in the mirror. eeek, feminism alarm bells went ringing. c'mon girls, we are better than that. do you honestly confuse love with little shiny rocks?

I love been thinking about love, and the people who love me. My maternal grandma has been hospitalised for kidney failure, she went in the day after my last big fight with my mother. When i went to visit her yesterday, the dominant feeling i left with, was a strong sense of being loved. When i walked in with my mum, she shooed my cousins away and got me to sit next to her. She hugged me, leaned on me and stroked my hair. Now i'm someone very unused to physical affection, i grew up never being hugged by my own parents. I have some issues with that, but that's for another time. and yet it was ok with my ah mah, i knew she loved me, and that was how she showed it, and that's how i understood it.

everyone tells me, and i sort of know, that my mum does love me. I half don't believe it, and i wish she would show it, if she did, in a way that i understood.

this reminds me of the coffee-break conversation i had with cheryl yesterday, after dr parwarni's lecture on boids. she said "i don't like people to touch me", but quickly checked herself with a "that seems weird to say but...". no need to explain, i understand too. everyone has a sense of physical boundaries, which if you step into, are invading their personal space. i remember commenting that those rules fail to apply in shuttle bus squeezing mechanics though. but personally, i need a lot of space. but then again, it really depends.

i love my ah mah, in a simple, child-like way. we can't really communicate, i don't understand or speak hokkien, but there's a wordless love for the one who looked after me when i was young and without words, and cares for me in a way that needs no words.

in fact, words definetly get in the way. angry words, obfuscating words, self-deceptive words, superficial words.

to conclude with jewellery, my ah mah insists on buying me a chain or something for my 21st birthday. love and jewellery may have something to do with one another after all.

posted by beckyboo @ 4:52 PM